Old Happiness

by a Singer of Songs

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1.
I kept my belly low to the ground I shoved aside whatever I found I longed for emptiness Gasps of air like cold rocks in my chest I licked my wounds under a tree I got my heat from sun through leaves Stains in my eyes That brilliant disguise Of stars that shouldn't be seen I hid behind bushes and found A peek on life just to find out True beauty could not be seen Just a branch in between It is time... There the fields are wide and clear Slowness turns into fear Soil goes moist A sad voice Until I pour silence from this noise I think of lonesome roads around I think of pearls in tall grass And brightness to be found And happiness Too old to feel It is time For better times
2.
03:17
The sun goes down slow Leaves drifting with the flow Your feet in the water One hand on my shoulder The wind blows dry dust The kind can make you feel lost The silence in the trees and The birds chasing bees It's a picture around which I would happily build a home The light like sparkles The air tastes like flowers The mountains ahead The burden we left You rub my backbone I throw away a wet stone I feel the heat of you breathing The sighs with no meaning It's a picture around which I would happily build a home It was a funny little mistake It was a random hit of fate A wrong trail That brought us here You said this moment is yours and mine It feels right to be lost sometimes To be two of the wrong kind Mmmmmmmmm... Small shadows of your skin The mess you say we've been We share in silence Then let the shadows hide us It's a picture around which I would happily build a home
3.
I’ve been on this road for so long It’s made me wonder if I’ll ever find my way back to you I’ve grown silent like a mountain after thunder Blind like a mother with a child’s pain to soothe On this road to nowhere The breeze still smells like you Ashes turn to sparkles Black fades into blue Darkness wrapped around me like a blanket Rabbits run for their lives in the headlights I wish I knew where this restlessness will take me A chest to lay my weary head to rest On this road to nowhere The breeze still smells like you Ashes turn to sparkles Black fades into blue And then you
4.
04:15
I'd hear horses running I'd see rivers flow I'd feel a breath on my skin and a voice Hums a melody I'm just starting to know And I'd run for the light there A dusty trail I would leave I would crave for the ones that surround me I would lust for the ones still to meet I wouldn't be afraid I wouldn't be afraid Oh oh oh... And the sun would grow flowers And the wind carry seeds And the rocks they would guard us and heat Stir the fire, the only promise to keep Truth hides mostly in silence Like a bug in thick grass But I could pretend to be lying I guess Gentle defeat is as good as it gets And I won't be afraid I won't be afraid I won't be afraid When the light comes my way Oh oh oh... I will hear horses running I will see rivers flow I'll feel a breath on my skin and a voice Hums a melody I already know
5.
01:44
I have little time to stay I have even less words to say I’ve got bugs crawling up and down my spine So I’m on my way Before the dark turns into day Before the randomness fades away And I have to admit You want more than I can give Being assured just ain’t a gift of mine But once again on the right tracks We’ll be able to look back At this little time that felt so swell This little time that made us feel so swell This little time that made us feel so swell
6.
04:35
I'll carry the weight 'Till the tide picks us up Our boat didn't float That's why it just went down At night when I sleep I see dogs in a war Sniffing at blood Raise their ears at the roar Horses that shiver And birds on a wire I wish we could lie down Look up for a while In this rabbit hole There is air to share Soil to crawl through No sunlight to bear The wind has been quiet The days have been long We'll hold out our hands Wait for our hopes to get strong All that I want Is to put the moon in my will And empty bottles I patiently filled In this rabbit hole There is air to share Soil to crawl through No sunlight to bear Let's dig our way through To the other side And creep out of the hole Not afraid of the light
7.
I shall break that horse If you want me to Saddle his back and ride Through fields with you So I'll just sit on this fence And wait patiently ‘Till you say 'Hey' The bruises on your knees Little wounds still bleed Your smile like a snake through weeds Crawls away from me I guess I'll just sit on this fence And wait patiently ‘Till you say 'Hey'
8.
It was just a quiet day With hope for sun but need for rain I was a stray bullet Coming right your way The street felt like a hole The sky above seemed to roll I was a stray bullet Coming right your way I will ask for the last time Did the wound bleed the same? I will ask for the last time Did the blast fade away? The moment of the blast I ducked away but didn’t move fast You were a stray bullet Coming right my way I guess that’s what you get Wanting things you ain’t seen yet You were a stray bullet Coming right my way You ask for the last time Did the wound bleed the same? You ask for the last time Did the blast fade away? It was just a quiet day With hope for sun but need for rain Two stray bullets ricocheted Then went their separate ways
9.
I forgot I’d lost you Shut the door you walked through Ghosts on the wall Shadows that fall Get up and crawl Like the cavalry walks Like the silent man talks I’ll bury my thoughts I thought I had doll’s eyes All my wishes were lies Many a time The moth hits the light A fire to pine Like the cavalry walks Like the silent man talks I’ll bury my thoughts I forgot I had you Opened the door you walked through Frames on the wall Sunlight for all Heights for the fall Like the cavalry walks Like the silent man talks I’ll mutter my thoughts
10.
06:28
Oh Lord I have sinned I haven’t been myself For some time The roads that I’ve walked The rivers I’ve crossed With no purpose at all The sun that went down The dirt on the ground I put my arms around Holes I dug above I preferred to be loved Than to love Don’t cast your wrath upon me Oh Lord I have sinned I’ve lived for the skin And the joy of the fall The horizons I sought The battles I fought Useless to all The silence you hear Is the violence I feel Deep down within I wallowed in pain I worshipped the stain And walked unafraid Don’t cast your wrath upon me Oh Lord I have sinned I know I have been Myself all this time The life that I’ve lived With little to give Is precious to me The trees and the sea The stars and the breeze The beauty to be The words that I sing All add to the sin I find myself in Please cast your wrath upon me
11.
04:30
You walk into the bar it's late You recognize the songs they play You drink your beer, nothing to say Just keep thinking "not afraid" You're looking for the lonely one The guy next to you pats your back You smile, you light a cigarette He laughs, he's got a joke to crack You get up & say you'll be right back You're looking for the lonely one You go out, it is cold You look up, the clouds roll It'd be easier to stay It'll hurt if you walk away The noise of laughter somewhere far The neon lights and the stars They'll keep you going here and now 'Till the mirror glass resolves somehow You're looking for the lonely one You'll always be the lonely one
12.
03:54
They will light up a trail And say this is the one They will hold out their hands Like father to son They will root deep in concrete They'll say all of us live to please They will tell you stories Of what's right and what's wrong They'll make up the rules Of what's sad and what's fun They will show you the alleys They'll tell you there's no need to run They will cry They will smile They will do all the things You're denied And then late at night They'll wave goodbye Rivers they'll sail And mountains they'll climb Roads they will cruise on And gaps they will mind Joy like a trophee Behind glass and stainless steel They will walk down the street They will put up the signs They will whistle on grass A guide for the blind They will let your words drown in tears Your thoughts buried in sin They will cry They will smile They will do all the things You're denied And then late at night They'll wave goodbye They will place a safe bet The will breathe down your neck They will brighten the corners You cannot forget They will mark only truths And words that are easily said When you think that they'll stop They'll light up like fire When you think you just fought The fight will get harder They'll say you are nowhere Unless you've got somewhere you'll stay
13.
04:27
Oh my God I told you lies All they did was buy some time For you to stay Until the pouring rain Came down like birds on fields of grain I said breathe in deep don't be afraid The clouds will hide the ugly shades And the hills will roll And the heat will flow The silence will be soil for us to grow Oh my God you told me lies All they did was buy some time For me to stay Until the pouring rain Came down like birds on fields of grain You said we would always run The road we drove would make us one Not the sky Not wondering why The stars are gone when their light meets the eye So you woke up we said goodbye Our skin in early morning light No pouring rain No fields of grain Just sighs like trails of our pretty lies Sighs like trails of our pretty lies

about

This album means everything to me. As opposed to 'I dig for gold' that had poured out before I knew it, this album was MADE. I sort of knew what I wanted to tell and where I wanted to go. And the best thing: all the people I got to know during the process. The people who sang with me, who helped me put it out there, the people who listened... I feel nostalgia for 'Old happiness'.

credits

released January 5, 2010

All songs written and played by a Singer of Songs in the years of 2008 and 2009. All songs were recorded in the homes of the players. Tiny Ruins sang and played cello and Becca Gordon added the banjo on 'Road to Nowhere'. Ana Franco sang and played melodica on 'Rabbit Hole'. Craven Canary can be heard singing on 'Wrath'. The album was mastered by Jim Bob Aiken and photography and layout handled by Sally Brownlie.

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about

a Singer of Songs Barcelona

I sing songs in the bathroom. In packed and empty venues. In gardens, sheds and churches. Once in a weird Finnish gym and also in the oldest house in Switzerland. On a boat and in a bus and in a horse farm. In noisy Italian bars and spookily silent Belgian rooms. On my own and with people.
I sing songs and if you want, you can listen.
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